The Aftermath
by yataang
Summary: What if Korra had not gotten her bending back? An alternative ending to Book 1: Air, in which Korra does not immediately get her bending back. It is a continuation of the story dealing with the lessons Korra must learn and the obstacles she must over come in order to regain her bending powers, and begins at the South Pole.


The icy wind whipped Korra's hair around her face and nipped at her cheeks, which were now stained by tears. She swallowed her sobs, wiped the last droplets from her eyes and dug her nose into her sleeve, her gaze resting on the sparkling sea in front of her, rising and sinking in waves that crashed against the icy cliff she sat on. A chill ran through her body, but the feverish state that had seized her mind was enough to keep her warm.

As her vision grew blurred and her chest felt heavy with crying, it became too hard to contain even the last of her tears. Unashamed expression of her emotions was nothing new to her, but having to deal with something other than anger or pride or joy scared her. She did not want to cry. Crying was for the weak, and of all the things she considered herself to be, weak was not one of them.

Failure had never even occurred to her. Losing had never been an option; and losing her bending was simply unimaginable. Yet it had happened. It was real. It was no longer a nightmare that plagued her in sleep. Now it had become reality and it tore at her even when she was in a conscious state. There was no escaping it, no matter how far she ran or how many times she could not bring herself to believe it.

Her greatest fear had been realized. How should one know how to cope with that? It was beyond anything else Korra had ever experienced, even if she had come very close to it just weeks earlier during the encounter with Amon on the island of Aang's statue. Now that it had actually come to this, she was left broken and speechless.

Underneath the immense pain that wrought her heart, she fostered disbelief and anger, which multiplied with every cool breath of air she consumed. She wanted to break something, cause unbelievable damage, let the earth tremble, the seas rise and make fires blaze, everything swallowed by flames. At the same time, she just wanted to sit here and cry, throw herself off the cliff or bury herself in the snow, staying like that forever, never moving, never waking.

Then again, was there not a slight chance that perhaps her bending would come back to her? Even if it took quite a while, possibly months, years, forever? Could her bending not return to her? Please? She pleaded and begged internally, mentally telling herself that she would do anything to become what she once was.

However, it was pointless, for she was no longer the avatar. No amount of tears or attempts of healing or pleading with the world would change that. Now, she was just Korra.

Korra, the daughter of Tonraq and Senna. Korra, from the Southern Water Tribe. Korra the stubborn, forceful girl who hardly ever did as she was told and had always relied on her bending. Korra, who had somehow miraculously managed to finally airbend after so many failed attempts. Korra, who had never really believed herself to be destined to be an airbender, despite being the Avatar, but now was.

Ever since she could remember, Korra identified herself with being the avatar. It was who she was, who she had always been, the thing that set her apart from everyone else, the one thing she was meant to be. Being the avatar had shaped her entire life, all the training and hard work and learning… gone in an instance. It was useless to her now.

Korra was a waterbender, a firebender, an earthbender, but now she could only bend air. How could that be? After all her difficulties and disputes with air, this was the element she got stuck with? She was not patient, nor at peace with herself, nor as graceful or elegant and calm and composed as an airbender was supposed to be. Could this really be her fate?

"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change."

What had Aang meant with that?

The crunching of snow behind her signaled Mako's approach and Korra spun around to look at him. It hurt to look him in the eyes, not just because of the pity they emanated, but of the blatant flood of love that poured from them, love that she certainly did not feel worthy of at the moment.

How could she face him? How could she face anybody? Even if the world were to forgive her, she would never forgive herself. A stinging pain seized her heart once again and she felt her eyes well up.

Korra began to turn away again, but Mako came over and embraced her. Sniffling and feeling weak, Korra wrapped her arms around Mako and sobbed into his chest. Usually she would have been ashamed to have anyone see her in this state, but with Mako she felt strangely comfortable and unrestricted. She did not have to hide what she was feeling, because it seemed he knew anyway, almost as if it were an instinct of his.

Mako decided not to say anything and instead held her close to him, stroking her head comfortingly. He knew that the techniques he had used in the past to cheer up Bolin would not be of much help here. Korra needed a great more than a laugh and a promise to have her favorite dumplings for dinner to make her happy again.

As she shook against him, her cries slowly quieting down and the tears receding, Mako vowed that he would do anything to see Korra happy again. No matter how long it took to heal the wounds inflicted upon her very spirit, he loved Korra and he would make sure that she would be alright. With that he took Korra's happiness upon himself, seeing it as his responsibility. If only he had been quicker, if Amon had not gotten hold of him, then Korra would still have her bending. _It's all my fault_, he thought. Thanks to him, there was no longer an Avatar.

…

That evening Korra found herself in the midst of an unusually crowded dinner table, an air of feigned cheerfulness flooding the room. Tonraq and Senna had decided it would be better for Korra to have some company, rather than sulk by herself the entire night. She was wedged in between Meelo, who was entertaining himself by pulling a seaweed noodle from one nostril through to the other, and Asami, who seemed grateful that Korra was separating her from Meelo's seaweed noodle experimentations. Mako was sitting next to Korra's father, Tonraq having insisted on reserving the place just for him, and looked up to smile at Korra from time to time. She returned his kindness, though her smiles were hollow.

Bolin was oblivious to the stiflingly somber atmosphere, occasionally interrupting his eager eating to comment on how good the food was, while Pema and Senna were exchanging what could only be described as motherly insights. As Tenzin noticed Meelo playing with his seaweed noodles and exclaimed that they were meant to be eaten, Korra's gaze swiped across Lin. Her plate was still half full, yet she sat frozen and engrossed, staring distantly at an undefined point.

Lin had always had a cold, aloof demeanor and had never been the most talkative of people, but Korra sensed this was different. For the first time that day Korra thought of someone else. She had not been the only one to lose her bending and remembered that Lin was equally as affected with the loss of her earthbending. Korra wanted to go up to her, to talk to her, to relate to someone who had undergone the same ordeal as her, but she was scared. She was the reason Lin had lost her bending, she had been the weak link that severed the chain connecting them to defeating Amon before he could inflict any more damage. Korra blamed herself, and while she recognized her guilt, she was not ready to acknowledge it completely. So she turned away.

"Are you okay?" Asami asked, ripping Korra from her thoughts, though her voice was gentle. Korra nodded and finished her seaweed noodles, feeling guilty of being the subject of Asami's concern.

After dinner Korra smiled as she said goodnight to everyone and gave Mako's hand a squeeze before Katara came up to her and gave her a much-needed hug.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Korra," said Katara, releasing Korra from her arms to look up at her. "But never forget – you are the Avatar. And most importantly, you are you, Korra. I believe you will find a light even in the darkest of times."

Korra smiled, more sincerely than she had all day, though it did not quite reach her eyes.

"Thank you, Katara," Korra replied. "I know you did everything you could."

After Korra has kissed her parents goodnight and nestled herself in her bed, the first of the nightmares began. As she trembled under her covers, her breathing grew loud and she could hear her heart beat in her ears as she ran aimlessly through darkness. Amon's face would appear, then fade out again.

"After I take your bending away, you will be nothing."

His words echoed as she continued to try and outrun the darkness, her chest tightening. Korra ran past people, indistinguishable and blurred, yet at times she felt like she knew them. Finally she came to a person she recognized as herself, wearing her clothes and usual hairstyle, standing at the edge of the darkness. Korra ran up to herself and placed her hand on her shoulder, yet when the other her turned around, her face had been erased completely and replaced by grotesque nothingness.

Korra woke up with a jolt and found herself to be drenched in cold, quicksilver sweat, which was the only evidence for the horrors she had endured in her nightmare besides her wildly fast-beating heart. Although the darkness had transformed into her familiar bedroom, she still felt as though she were trapped in a sort of limbo, haunted by darkness and caught on a plane of reality separate from the world everyone else lived in, the two occasionally intersecting and colliding. It was strange, physically feeling one world around you, while your spirit wandered about another. She felt disjointed and lost, severed into thousands of individual pieces that refused to come together again. Korra held her head in her hands and pressed her palms against her skull, tears welling up in her eyes for the second time that day. Every little detached piece of her wanted and felt something else, they all shouted and clawed at each other, and Korra did not know how to feel anymore.

Tearing herself from her bed, she decided to take a walk in the middle of the night. Fresh air would fare well with her shaken self. As she trudged in the snow, she felt like casually bending some water as she went along and then remembered that was no longer possible. Self-pity engulfed her and she hated herself for it, continuing on in the snow and enjoying the chilly winds that soothed her burning forehead.

Korra turned back when the earliest rays of sunlight broke through into the cool grey skies, having been entirely unaware of how long she had been walking for. When she returned her parents were still sleeping and she made a pot of tea for herself, self-pity nagging at her once again when she was forced to heat the water without firebending.

…

Mako spent the night restlessly writhing beneath his covers, not being able to take his mind off Korra. As he failed to get comfortable, grief jabbing at him from all sides, he imagined her lying in bed, crying. He slid his palm over his face, wondering why he tortured himself like this. He knew why, of course. He blamed himself for Korra's loss and believed that by suffering as well, he might alleviate some of her pain. If only he had been faster to react, quicker to protect her. She had told him later how brave he had been to go up against Amon for her, but he felt like a coward. What was he if he could not even protect the girl he loved?

Lying in the dark and listening to the whispers of the winds outside, Mako wished he could sleep as deeply and peacefully as his brother beside him. Bolin's chest heaved with every snore, not the loud rumbling kind, a soft snore, the kind that created a pleasant hum in the background of his circling thoughts.

Not only Korra was on his mind. Asami too kept swimming in and out of his thoughts, her smile that had first enchanted him and glares she shot by him to remind him of how he had hurt her. His heart was seized by a wave of guilt. Thinking about Korra and wallowing in pity had made him forget about Asami's losses. She had no one. She had had him, but he had walked away to be with Korra. He loved Korra, but he realized now that Asami deserved better. He knew he should speak to her about it, but he could not gather the courage to face his faults. Not yet.

He did, however, resolve to speak with Korra early in the morning, wanting to hold her in his arms the moment she woke up. He slept lightly, easily disturbed by Bolin's rustling covers or a spike in the winds outside, and awoke feeling more tired than the night before. Slipping out of the igloo he saw the first shimmer of daylight spill over the horizon and decided that now was the time to go to Korra.

When he entered her igloo her bed was empty and unkempt, Mako assuming her night had been as restless as his. He searched the rest of the complex, but Korra was nowhere to be found, so he withdrew into his igloo and wondered where she could have gone off to. The thought that she might have run away suddenly struck him and he sat up in bed, his eyes wide with fear. _No, she wouldn't have run away, _he thought. He went back to her igloo one more time and checked whether any of her belongings were gone. Everything was there. With this slight reassurance he returned to his bed and waited.

…

The morning ensued, the entire entourage waking up and being called for breakfast. Katara chatted with Jinora and Ikki, Pema telling Ikki to not wear out their grandmother so early in the morning while feeding Rohan. Lin was not around, and Korra wished she could disappear too.

"Bumi should be arriving shortly," announced Tenzin after having a sip of tea, looking less than amused.

"He's coming to the Southern Water Tribe?" asked Korra.

"Yes, he's decided it would be a nice opportunity to visit our mother now that he's retired," said Tenzin.

Once breakfast was over, Meelo immediately ran out to play in the snow with Ikki, Jinora trailing behind them. Pema called after them to be careful and Katara assured her she would go watch over them. Korra helped her mother clean up and Mako stayed behind too, hoping he could spend some time with Korra. His wish was fulfilled when Senna left to attend to another household matter.

"Did you sleep well?" Mako asked, his hand brushing Korra's as he picked up a plate to wash.

"Yeah, you?" Korra said, her response brief and false.

"Apart from Bolin's snoring, I slept pretty well," Mako said with a grin.

Korra cracked a smile and continued wiping the dishes. Just standing next to Mako, exchanging smiles and light words, made her feel better. His warmth seeped into her and eased her sores, and she wished she could be at his side forever, always comforted by this warmth. For a moment she wondered how in the world she could be sad if she had him.

Jinora, Ikki and Meelo's exclaims from outside alerted them that Bumi had arrived. Korra dried off the last of the dishes and followed Mako out of the igloo, joining everyone that had gathered to greet him.

"Tenzin!" exclaimed Bumi, giving his brother a great hug.

"Bumi," Tenzin said in his usual serious manner, though Korra swore she saw the tiniest hint of a smile.

Bumi went around and greeted everyone animatedly, picking up Meelo and throwing him in the air, and laughing when he reached Lin, who had reappeared after her absence at breakfast and whose greeting was equally as tense as Tenzin's. He gave Mako and Bolin generously strong pats on their backs and bowed down to Asami, about to her kiss her hand when Tenzin cried out that he was being ridiculous. Bumi just laughed heartily.

"Now, where's my father?" Bumi called out jokingly. Once he spotted Korra, he went up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "You've shrunken since I last saw you. And you seem to have grown a full head of hair!"

Korra could not help but laugh at Bumi's antics, and so did everyone else. Even Lin's frown seemed gentler.

"It's an honor to meet you, General Bumi," said Korra with a smile.

"The pleasure is all mine, Korra," said Bumi. "And please, call me Bumi. Even Uncle Bumi if you wish. Or perhaps son." He laughed again. Tenzin just rolled his eyes. He feared the Korra-is-our-father-Aang jokes would last throughout the entire duration of Bumi's stay.

Korra thought Bumi's jokes were charming, even though they reminded her of her fate and her disgrace to the avatar cycle. She felt guilty even being associated with Aang now, when before her role as the avatar had been a source of pride and joy. Again she felt conflicted, her identity blurring into a haze of what she thought herself to be and who she truly was. The latter was still unclear to her.

Much to Tenzin's relief, Bumi restrained himself from making too many more Korra jokes and instead reverted to the dramatic storytelling of his adventures as a general of the United Forces. Katara seemed particularly happy to see her eldest son once again, chuckling as he told stories she had probably heard a hundred times before.

Later on they decided to all go into town and Korra had been hoping to speak to Mako, but Bolin pulled him away to show him something that had caught his eye. Instead Bumi fell behind to walk alongside Korra as she trailed after Tenzin and Jinora. They shared a smile and Bumi broke into another story, though this one was a little different from the ones she had heard him tell so far.

"You know when I was a boy, no one ever said it to my face, but I always felt like I disappointed my parents by being a non-bender," said Bumi, his hands in his pockets. "I was the son of Avatar Aang, the last airbender and the hero of the hundred year war. My mother too had always been a powerful waterbender and an exceptional healer. So as their first child, everyone expected me to be a powerful bender too."

Korra frowned. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Although I've never had bending powers, I never let myself fall behind or pity myself, even if it would have been easy to do so," Bumi said as he looked down at Korra, his expression soft. "That's something my uncle Sokka taught me. He was a non-bender too, and just as strong, if not stronger, than any bender out there. He taught me that strength comes not from whatever powers we may be given, but from our spirit."

Bumi halted and took his hands out of his pockets to rub them together, Korra stopping in her tracks and watching him, not knowing how to respond to this story despite her curiosity.

"Whatever happens, you can't let yourself fall behind. You have to make the best of what you have." Bumi put a hand on Korra's shoulder and continued. "Do not forget your own spirit, Korra. From what I can tell you are as tenacious and stubborn as I am, and I hope you can find the courage to move on. I believe you will."

Hearing these words Korra remembered what Katara had told her last night. _I believe you will find a light even in the darkest of times_. Korra smiled, appreciating Bumi's kindness and finding the unexpected likeness to his mother amusing. Though his advice only floated at the back of her mind as a foggy image at the moment, it would surely come into focus later.

"Thank you," said Korra. She hesitated, an unusual occurrence for her, as she normally spoke her mind without much thought. She decided to say it anyway. "I don't see how your parents could ever see you as a disappointment. I'm sure you made Aang proud."

Bumi smiled. "Thank you, Korra."

Korra spent the rest of the outing with Mako, Bolin and Asami, the four of them eating squid together and going back home to play a round of cards. Korra had enjoyed herself, but her thoughts had remained elsewhere, constantly returning to Bumi's words. When Mako realized that her mind was wandering into oblivion, he took hold of her hand and brought her back, finally placing a little kiss on her forehead as they stood before the igloo. The spot where his lips had touched her head still burned with delight.

…

For another week they idled around the Southern Water Tribe, Meelo begging Korra to go penguin sledding with her until she gave in. After that adventure, Bumi deciding to join, Korra wanted to go out with Naga before dinner.

"Hey girl," Korra said, grinning as Naga's head nuzzled against her own and she wrapped her arms around her great furry neck. Korra had been so distracted lately she had forgotten how comforting Naga was.

As they took off and thundered across the tundra, Korra felt like something loosened up inside of her. She seemed to shed her distant and numbed relation to everything and everyone around her, awakening from her own hibernation. Suddenly she viewed the setting sun and the lights it scattered across the snow coated land in full color, no longer dulled by the curtain of sheer grey that had been wrapped around her for the past few days.

The light was magnificent and as her eyes bathed in the breath-taking sight Korra forgot about Amon and Republic City and being the avatar. She simply was; nothing and everything all at once. For the first time for what seemed like forever, she felt it. Her spirit.

Korra was more than the avatar. She had more than just the elements she had wielded. Until now, her status as the avatar had defined her, but now it was time she defined for herself what that actually meant. Perhaps she was not powerless. Having always identified with being the avatar and a bender, she had believed benders were superior to non-benders, a mindset that Amon had challenged rightly, even if it was with terrible means. Not having bending powers did not automatically make a person weak. Korra realized that now. People were more than just benders and non-benders; they were people. She was a person, her own person, her own spirit and in the wake of recent events, perhaps she could embrace that.

Korra would not forget about the loss of her powers so quickly, but seeing herself in a different light certainly might help recover. Besides, she was not without bending completely. She had awakened her airbending powers and now knew what she had to do.

After dinner, when the table had been cleared and everyone was enjoying some tea, Korra followed Tenzin outside as he made his way to their igloo and approached him.

"Tenzin," said Korra "I want to return to Republic City and resume my airbending training immediately."

"So soon?" asked Tenzin, a little taken aback by her bold statement.

Korra nodded. "Yes."

"If you're sure about this, I'll talk with everyone else to see when we can leave," said Tenzin. He studied her determined face, and though it still carried an air of vulnerability and grief, it was a stark improvement from the hopeless eyes with which she had looked at him a week earlier. "You seem better."

"Better? Not really," Korra replied, a smile playing at her lips as Bumi's words returned to her. "I just don't want to fall behind."

"Either way, I'm glad you've decided to continue your training," Tenzin said as he pulled her in for a hug. "I'm proud of you, Korra."

Korra appreciated that Tenzin understood her resolve and asked no further questions. She was tired of being patronized and treated like a child. She did not want to mope and drown in her self-pity any longer. Weakness came not from her loss of bending, but from her unwillingness to move forward. No one had told her to stop overindulging on her own suffering, everyone being exceptionally gentle and cautious, treating her with excessive care and tenderness.

What Korra needed now was not simply kind words, but a severe awakening from her slumber of mourning. She needed wise words paired with a surge of fighting spirit. In the past she had had to be brave, to face her fears and fight for what she believed to be right. What she needed now, to release herself from the grip of who she once was and what she once knew, was courage. This time it was a different kind of courage, stronger than ever before; courage that she could only find from within. But she was ready; her spirit would not wane.


End file.
